Dear unknown

My greetings to you "unknown", I hope you're doing as bad as you always make me feel whenever my thoughts are filled with you, you're one of my biggest demons with whom I always have to struggle based on the orientation of my person. Each time someone gives me a bad attitude or response even when I use the softest voice you come around to play in my head because you speak so silently yet so loudly in my head whilst saying "what have you done this time", "is she/he not in a good mood", "am I a bad person"...so many questions all daughters of yours flooding my precious thoughts all because you won't leave me and you won't let me be. See ehn I have many demons I'm fighting with and trust me you are definitely not going to be one I'll give so much attention because my attention is divided between y'all plus the ones that torment me physically. So now I'm going to go all Godly on you cus I've come to realize that you have no place in my life anymore and I'm too powerful to always suffer from your torment, go tell the devil that you one of his angels of doom that he has assigned to me has failed woefully like your cousin suicide. You see ehn rn y'all gat nothing on me, I'm free from you and your torment by the power in the blood of the lamb Jesus that worketh in me I'm no longer a captive of your wickedness and hate. You have no hold on me anymore I'm free from you and your little power that is nothing I mean NOTHING in comparison to that of my Precious God.

All that is left

We barely talk anymore
All that is left of us is less than little
We have thrown it all away
All we have now is the shaft

We are left with pictures
Left with only memories
They can't be relived
But they are so vivid from the images

No more smiles
Just long faces
And long spaces
All of that standing between us

I try to bare myself to you
But you wrap yourself all up
It's not something to be forced anyway
Neither is it a give and take game alone

There's alot more to it
But we've thrown it all to the vultures
so we are left with the memories
Just the memories

Dear deep and least deep thinker

   Hello to the deep thinkers like me!!! I hope you've been enjoying your deep thinking life and those who don't think as deep too whom I'll call "the least deep" so not to be offensive loool hope you're well also. Well I can say on a normal note I have been enjoying mine but then on a deep thinker note, hmmmmn it's been really deep cus I have to tame that deep part a whole many times before I go haywire.
   Well life isn't that deep oh to be very honest, yet it still isn't that shallow. It is not so deep in the sense that everything doesn't revolve around you Uncle Lagbaja and Aunty Rebekah it is not so shallow based on the fact that out of everything in life there's still a whole lot that revolves around you.
     Let's look at it this way out of a hundred, half is deep and the other half is shallow so realistically life is a balance of deep and shallow stuffs. From my own perspective being too deep is a pathway to hurting alot most times in silence and on the other hand being too shallow is a compass that leads the road to a life filled with close to zero emotions and nonchalance.
    Too deep alot of times means you get to read meanings to every single word or action, no room for jokes and over analyzing occurences and experiences, Uncle Lagbaja is a really deep nigga...that dude don't crack no jokes and don't take no jokes, if aunty Rebe says something to him at work he'll get home then think about it over and over then he eventually overthinks about it.
     A deep mind or person tends to suffer from depression, excuse my trying to be an English teacher here but I feel like there is a relationship between the two words "depth" and "depression", I mean look at them both having a common brother (suffix) "dep". Uncle Lagbaja life ain't that deep jare laugh some things off but still take some seriously cus I mean you don't get to go straight from a ten to a zero just stay at a 5.
     Now let's talk bible, deep and depression..."Keep thy heart with all diligence,out of the heart comes the issues of life" says Proverbs 4:23 (KJV)
Deep thoughts originate from the heart or let's say thoughts based on the fact that for me I can say "heart" is somewhat synonymous to "thoughts" here, so when Uncle Lagbaja guides his thoughts he won't overthink and he won't fall into depression whilst he still thinks on a good ground without being shallow.
      Likewise aunty Rebekah if she thinks about this one "but those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart" from Matthew 15:18a. This verse ought to stand as a guide to aunty Rebekah and her likes, as out of 100 words that are said joke or not a minimum of 70 has the truth in it, 70 outta 100 is more than average for any exam.
       Ain't nobody say don't crack jokes but for you and uncle Lagbaja to cohabit in peace and love, bring the jokes down you just might be undoing the little glue still holding him in one piece...I didn't say stop the jokes because sometimes it's those jokes that put a smile on uncle Lagbaja's face. So y'all can live in peace and love, just try to bring down your sensitivity level you deep thinker and you on the other hand "the least deep" try to switch on the part that is sensitive to someone else's feelings.
       Sometimes human nature and selfishness might want to prevail where when it comes to you on the receiving end you become a hundred in "deep thinking" but when it's anyone else it's a fast decline straight to a zero. So dear deep thinker and "the least deep" thinker, I hope this wasn't so boring and it was somewhat helpful also so that everyone can cohabit in peace and love and live happily ever after like in my favorite fairytales.

Once upon a time

Time after time
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Year after year
She still wasn't done

Seconds became minutes
Minutes turned hours
Hours became days
Days turned weeks
Weeks became months
Months turned years
Then years multiplied
As always,she still wasn't done

She thought done meant alone
Alone to her was lonely
She didn't want to be alone or lonely
She hated the idea of the word "lone"
Poor damsel
She wasn't done once again
As time went by, she broke
Her yield point was exceeded
She thought she could defy Hooke's law
Hooke's law defied her instead

Her heart strings severed
"Chordae tendinae" broke
Like a weak horse she stopped
She was done
This time she meant it
She was through with that storm
No more torture
Else she'll rupture
Once upon a time she was in pain
But now she's done for real!
She cannot take it no more
She's done for real.

Small talk

Hi dear reader, I'll be starting one write-up series I term "dear series" soon. You may ask why, lool ok ts cus I want to excercise the inner writer in me when I mean writer like apart from poems. I'll be using my actual first name "Rebekah" and also the name "Lagbaja" in contexts where I think names will make it more interesting. Just chillax sha cus it's going to be pretty relatable as I'll be basing the write-ups on real life stuffs like youth struggles and all, sometimes too in the course of the whole article I'll be entering spiritual sturvs as per a growing unashamed child of God nah not like I'm holy or something oh, I'm still growing in Him....wait for it ☺☺

Her pretty mask

Heavy pulsations from her jugular veins
audible enough from ten miles
But what can she do?
Mask it with her pretty smiles

Roaming in the worries of her mind
Strolling in the insults of her fate
What more can she do?
Well, she'll still mask it with her pretty smile

Those pretty smiles are all lies
They are not real
She only smiles because she needs a mask
Lest her lovers and haters ask

In her closet all she does is swim
Swim in the river of her own tears
Then she heaves countless sighs
While her tears drown her face

Outside that closet
She smiles then smiles some more
But deep down she knows it's all fake
Well it's because she needs a mask.

It is not just rape

It's pretty much disheartening that it's our so-called uncles, aunties, older cousins and some other closely related people who are a few years older than we are that end up violating and snatching the sexual rights of our little boys and girls.

Unfortunately some of these young chaps end up losing their confidence and self respect; they throw their bodies about like commodities sold in the market because they've being deprived of the choice of losing their virginity at their own will from a very tender age.

 Some think it's no longer worth the "saving" I could as well go on with the trend then they keep on doing what they had been exposed to by their abuser and even some end up abusing much younger ones because they feel "I was violated and he/she went scot free so I can violate someone else and still go scot free".

 Then some others go an entirely different way from the others, they start to flee from anything close to the opposite gender because they dread even just the thought of ever getting intimate with anyone because they start to relive the moments of agony from the past if they go anywhere close to the opposite gender.

As far as the whole molestation thing goes I believe there is no justification whatsoever because it is a God-given right and choice to choose with whom and when you want to break your congenital celibacy.

Nobody ever outgrows the stigma caused by this assault thingi because it's not just a tale it's an experience, an unwanted part of an individual's live as in it's crazy people that do that stuff to innocent young people infact anyone at all no matter the age.

Meanwhile you can never tell who was sexually abused by just seeing the person so it's going to be really nice to mind some kinds of things you say and do to people because you might just be reminding them of that experience they try hard to live with everyday without having to break down in pain and tears.

One moment of pleasure for another's displeasure

For his own pleasure

For her own satisfaction

For his own gratification

They deprive a fellow human

Of that one thing

The human right against sexual violence

He takes away the other girl's pride

She takes away the little boy's first-ride

He snatches this other girl's confidence

She pulls away the boy's ego

Just for a moment

One moment of pleasure

He throws a zero esteem at that girl

She throws this boy a subzero self value

He makes that girl live in self pity

She makes this boy hate his very existence

All for that one thing

Pleasure at another person's displeasure

                                                                       --Every noun and pronoun refers to a different individual.

A million little things

The sweet names here

Coated with affection

The lovely words there

Savoured with immeasurable care

Those small gifts

Beautifully wrapped with love

The wonderful messages

Filled with captivating words

It's these small things

The little sacrifices

Like raindrops

That make a big ocean

Those little things

That amount to big things

They touch the heart

That's a million little things that actually count!

Turn

Everything may seem dim

It may look bleak

It may feel empty

It may even feel worthless

Even efforts might appear futile

But hey,

Life goes in different ways

Turn the other way

You will find what it is

The one thing your heart craves

After the turn

Comes the sun

The one that lights you up

Fills you in

And gives you life

Leap year effect

Okaaaay it is a leap year, you know people born on 29/2 get to celebrate their birthdays just once every four years...Anyway i just feel like today is a good day as the last day in the month of February and I am really excited for the month of March and grateful to God for it. I just felt like writing something here for today and express my positivity for the month of March somewhere which happens to be here.  To anyone reading this have a wonderful and blessed month, it is going to be awesome I can feel it and I know it too...Remember everyday is a good day to be awesome and this month is going to be full of 31 of such days, go into March and be as awesome as can be because the sky is wide enough for every star to shine bright...ciao. Xoxo

Her wrong

She was vulnerable 

She was touchable

She was always near

She stayed though she feared           

You were untrustworthy

You were Unfaithful    

You were Untruthful            

But she stayed

Though she swayed

You sieved her

You shook her,

your insincerity was too deep  

It moved her     

You drilled her       

She was sad

You took her for granted

Because she loved

Still she loved

But she learnt

Truly she did learn

It was hard

But she learnt how

How not to love the wrong person

She moved on 

Forgot you and loved again 

but it was her wrong 

Her wrong for loving you that much

She never loved that much again

Because you taught her how not to

MIDNIGHT MUSINGS

Hello

It is midnight and I have this strong desire to write to you...

We chat, giggle together and I have this image of you as the friendly friend who is down to earth, always good for a laugh, and always

ready to listen to everyone's problems.

But you don't share your own problems.

Are you scared that you'll say too much?, seem boring? Or you don’t want people to start

thinking: ‘So this is what you struggle with? Ouch" 

Hello Friend, You don't have to be in this room, this personal cell, or in the jail of your own fears.

Didn't you ever realise you can be greatly loved for showing and being the real you? Even with the ugly turn outs of the things you fight everyday..

Move beyond ‘I’m fine.’ Stop being evasive.. We all deserve someone who will always be there to listen to how we feel.

Its high time you found that person...

#Midnight #MidnightMusings

Courtesy my sugarbunny Taadewrites 

2015---an imperfectly perfect lesson teaching year for me

2015 was beautiful and ugly, it was perfect and imperfect, it was sweet and sour, it was sunny and cloudy. In each of these I put the positive before the negative because despite how the terrible times weighed me down and took over my being, the sweet times and sweet people that God planted in my life overshadowed every bit of the negativity that came with the year, God was faithful and ever true despite my sinful and unworthy nature. I single out 2015 as the year i learnt the most from outside the classroom, I learnt alot about life, I learnt also how much I needed God, I learnt alot about people and most of all I learnt a bountiful lot about myself. It was a year that as much as I cried so many times I still had so many reasons to put a smile on my pretty face. The rosy things and the prickly ones were definitely there to show me how much of a human I am. 

Still in 2015 I did alot of things that I'm not proud of but I did learn from them and pray not to go back to them. I betrayed myself with unnecessary sentiments when I wasn't supposed to but still I learnt never to do them again at least as the saying goes, "once bitten twice shy"... I was intrigued at the turn out of things in 2015, so many things happened that made me change how I reason, how I treat people and even how I treat myself, my weak points projected alot in 2015 and made me vulnerable to all sorts of abuse even from myself because it got to a point where I forgot I had an ounce of hope or strength in me, on many occasions I didn't stand for myself when I was battered with words and terrible things because of how I reason on alot of things in life. Amazingly I fell in love with the best man anyone could ever think of, he's my complete package...for one he was one of those who didn't allow me to give up, I made amazing friends whom I never thought I'd have, I learnt to stop being judgmental because I had been very judgmental in the last few years infact maybe law was my calling then. I learnt that I have a long way to go in life and the worst thing I can do is follow the crowd because I wasn't born to follow the crowd I was born to lead them or better still create my own world of exceptionality outside the crowd...there's alot more I learnt and alot more I unlearned but nevertheless 2015 was an exceptional year in my life and it's forever going to reflect in my calendar of "lesson learning years" , infact "tremendous lesson learning years", I hope 2016 will be awesome too with many lessons but not in tears like I had in 2015....

                                                           Anonymous---I can relate though